audio engineering by Bruce McDonald

read by Leslie Ann Moore

music by Robert Farmer

Parental Guidance recommended.  Suggestive Language

How to Deal With Your Daughter and Her Crabs was previously published in 2005 in Alien Skin magazine.  Brian Salyard’s work also appears in Alien Skin and in the Redjack Books anthology Anathema.

Charles sat at a dinner table much too large for just himself and his wife, chewing his lip with rapidly increasing annoyance.  Jaycee was now thirty-five minutes late.      

     It was bad enough she hadn’t let him pick her up from the airport; now he watched the sedentary Tofurky® harden and become fouler by the second.  A fly crouched on it, rubbing its legs with delight, and perhaps confusing it for its usual meal of choice.  Charles was not inclined to shoo it.  As a retired entomology professor, he was often more comfortable around the six-legged than the two